Too Late
by TeresianLion
Summary: You had just gotten a job working on the Enterprise, and a handsome Vulcan has captured your attention and your heart rather quickly. However, you do not want to be in love. Reader will tackle with the emotional issues of what love is and isn't, of what is dealing with your emotions rather than just covering them up, and most importantly. . .when to say no.


You didn't see it coming. How could you? How could anybody, really? What with all the other. . .fine-looking men aboard. Besides, it was improper to think of your superiors as anything other than your superior.

You may be reading this now, reading about your own story in some other life, and thinking that this is just another love story. Well, this chapter of your life is not "just another love story". Not as far as you knew, that is. In the typical love story, in which you are involved, they mostly (mostly - not all of them) have you falling for some being, and that being ultimately falls for you. There have been some recent developments in your life that have come to prove your knowledge of love as something. . .perhaps, incorrect.

You had recently been hired to work aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise. You worked mainly in the sick bay, as a nurse. You'd expected there to be more hands to help the kind, blunt Doctor McCoy. But yet, if there were more hands they wouldn't be hiring. No, it was just you and two other nurses. They were very friendly and showed you around the sick bay. McCoy was also kind to you, though at times he was a bit of a flirt. After being told your duties, you were brought up to the bridge to meet the main crew of the Enterprise. Mr. Sulu and Chekhov were polite to you, and you found Chekhov to be adorable for being the youngest aboard. You kept that thought to yourself, however. You could tell that you and Scotty would get along really well, and the same with Uhura. Captain Kirk was a very cocky man and even more of a flirt than the Doctor. WAY more of a flirt than McCoy. But his company was enjoyable.

And then there was the Vulcan. Not even, he was only half Vulcan. Mr. Spock was still a stoic man and very serious; a huge contradiction to the rest of the crew. You thought about how difficult it would be to get along - or at least converse - with him.

This meeting happened a little over a year ago. Your prejudgemental observations had been correct with most of the crew. You'd come to know them all and to you, it feels like one big family. You didn't really have much of a family growing up, as no one really paid attention to or liked each other in your household, and this dynamic felt nice to you. Scotty acts more like an over-protective brother than anything else, and you and Uhura are close friends, spending much of your time together when you are both off duty. And when you weren't with Uhura, you were spending your time with Sulu and Chekhov, who - despite what quiet people they were on the bridge - were great drinking buddies. The captain was still flirting with you every time you came into the room, but it had turned into harmless teasing that you either brushed off with a chuckle or an equally cocky comeback.

The relationship between you and McCoy hadn't skyrocketed as fast as the others, believe it or not. Yes, you were good friends, but he was always so consumed in his work. He was annoyed easily and was quick to anger when he was annoyed. He always sent you out on errands, never the other two nurses, and you always felt him looking at you. It's as if he's always inspecting your work, like he doesn't trust your knowledge. You didn't let this affect you, though, as again - you two were friends. And you were always teasing him about his dynamic with Spock.

Ah, Spock. Yes, let's mention him for a second. This stoic half-breed had been the one to manage creating the other un-ignorable development in your life. You. . .had feelings for Spock.

But you didn't know why. You hardly spent time with him, and besides, he was so strange. You didn't even want to be crushing on him. Especially not THIS hard. You didn't want it, but yet you always found yourself peeking over your shoulder at his form. He was a man of few words, that much you had come to know, and was very smart. He worked hard, and that was mostly because he didn't have any distractions. Distractions, as in human emotion.

This was something you thought of a lot. N-not of Spock! But just of the theory. You knew that he was half human, half Vulcan, but the Vulcan half was all you ever saw. What was he doing with his emotion? Surely he wasn't simply turning it off? That'd be very lonely. When he acted like a machine, he really was emotionless. It's like he's sleeping. In a way, you felt bad for him.

Whenever you turned your head to watch him walk by the in hall, this always crossed your mind. How lonely he could be. But then you'd feel a pain in your chest, and you instantly looked away. It wasn't right for you to have feelings for Spock. He was above you.

Above. . .you. . .

In rank. Spock was your superior. And in that mix of emotions you had, you were also upset at him for stealing your heart. Because, let's just pretend for a moment that this is the typical love story where Spock miraculously has feelings for you as well. How would that kind of relationship work? You can't go into it like a machine. So even if you had come to terms with it, there was nothing you could do with your feelings.

"(Name). (Name)!"

You blinked, turning your head back around to face Uhura. "Huh?"

"You were doing it again."

You smiled nervously. "What? No. . ."

"(Name), you're always staring at that Spock booty!"

You hit her arm, blushing. "I am not!"

She laughed. "It's pretty obvious you have a thing for him." Uhura raised an eyebrow. "The pointy ears?"

You rolled your eyes. "No, it wasn't the pointy ears. And I don't even have a thing! For anyone! For no-one!" You crossed your arms in an X shape. "No things!"

Uhura only laughed as the two of you continued on your way down the hall. After you two had your lunch, she always walked you back to the sickbay before returning to the bridge, and each time you two passed by the Vulcan in the hall. Uhura knew by now you had fallen for him, but yet you still tried to deny it. Partially because you didn't want it to be true.

"Anyway, this is my stop," you said awkwardly as you approached the sickbay.

Uhura waved. "See you tomorrow!" She winked. "And you'll see that Spock booty."

Your eyes were wide and you opened your mouth to shout at your friend, but she was already gone. You rolled your eyes, then proceeded into your workspace. The nurses watched you walk in and they giggled to themselves. This struck you as odd, because it was the type of giggling two would engage in during gossip, and the nurses were always so kind. They didn't seem like the type to do that. However, you didn't confront them about it. You just went about your work, tending to patients and checking up on them.

But you couldn't shake the urge in the back of your mind to learn what they knew that you didn't. Because, were they gossiping about you? It was this reason that made you decline your decision of asking.

About a half hour later, McCoy walked up behind you. You could hear his steady footsteps and felt his eyes on your hands.

"(Name)," he said after a moment. His voice somewhat quiet.

You didn't look away from the patient's monitors. "Bones?" You replied.

McCoy was silent for another long moment, hesitating. "Um. . .can you go and remind the captain about his physical next week?"

You turned around now, frowning slightly. "You already sent me to do that yesterday."

He blinked. "Well, you can never be too sure with Jim. Just remind him again for me, will ya'?"

"Okay. . ." You said slowly before putting down your clipboard and heading to the bridge. 'That was strange,' you though to yourself. 'Space Jesus, everyone in sickbay acting weird today.' You hoped that nobody else on the bridge was acting strange.

When you approached the bridge, the door slid open with a whoosh, and only the captain turned to see who it was. Everyone else continued with their duties. But once you spoke, Uhura also turned her head.

"Captain," you began formally.

"Anything you want, (Name)," he said in a lowered voice.

'Well, everything seems to be in order here.' "Bones sent me to remind you of your physical."

He frowned and pursed his lips, rising from his almighty captain's chair. "Hm, well that's strange. I specifically remember you coming by yesterday with the same message." A smirk played on his lips and his teasing tone turned seductive. "Maybe I'm just that irresistible?"

"You're a smart captain, I'll give you that. I didn't think you'd remember yesterday."

He walked closer to you. "Honey I'd remember a face like yours for eternity."

You raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's a shame; I'd love to forget yours."

"But you can't?" Kirk was so close to you now that your bodies were about an inch away. He was taller than you, and was looking down ever so slightly.

You tilted your head and returned his cocky smirk. "Nope. Too hideous."

Kirk laughed. "Fair enough." He headed back to his chair. "Tell Bones that I don't plan on getting sick that day, so he's not going to be seeing my face."

You rolled your eyes. The captain never went in for a physical. He said he'd go down there once he was sick, and that a regular check-up prevented nothing. "I'll do my best." You turned and were about to leave, but Kirk stopped you with another request.

"Oh, and (Name)! If you could also talk to McCoy about the. . ."

The entire time you'd been on the bridge, you'd felt that twitch in your neck, that urge in the back of your head, the want to look over and catch at least a glimpse of Commander Spock. You retaliated with Kirk, trying to fight off the ache, but now that you'd been stopped, your eyes made contact with the Vulcan's still form. Your back was still to Kirk, and you weren't listening to the rest of his request as your mind drifted. Spock was such a smart man, he was also charming in his own way. He relied heavily on logic, but this only made him humerus. He took the humor as a compliment and seemed to be easy-going when it came to opinions. He never lied about anything, and wasn't one to betray. He was loyal and trustworthy. He really was amazing. And a plus, he was very attractive. What with his chiseled features, beautiful eyes. . .and pointy ears. You studied Spock's precise and purposeful actions in the dealings with the ship, wanting to walk over to him and talk to him about it. To hear him speak to you. You sighed. Love really had its hooks in you.

You snapped yourself back to reality just as the captain was calling your name.

"Hm? Oh, uh, yeah," you confirmed, glancing back at Kirk. "Yeah, I'll tell Bones."

You were gone in a flash, leaving Kirk to stare at where you'd once been, then look over to his Vulcan friend. It was so clear to everyone. It was too bad Spock was too dense to see that the jewel lusted after him, and only him. He thought again about the job the poor girl had been hired for, then dashed all the thoughts of your love life from his mind and continued to focus on the path ahead.

You didn't even have to tell McCoy about Kirk's not going to the physical, because as soon as you came back he'd cut you off.

"Let me guess. He's not coming?"

You blinked. Your mouth had not been opened to speak, but rather in shock. The two other hands had gone off somewhere, and when you'd first walked back into the sickbay the doctor was nowhere to be found. You searched for him in his office, and low and behold, there he was - sitting on the edge of his desk facing the doorway. This wasn't what shocked you. What shocked you was that the lights in his office were off (the light from the sickbay, which was connected to his office, shone through the windows and provided enough light to see but not enough to work. McCoy almost never turned the light off in his office when he was in it) and that his hands were not where they usually were. They were not folded neatly over his crotch. His arms were crossed over his chest, and you had blinked several times to get your attention off the new found appendage bulging in his pants.

"Y-yes, Bones, that's what he told me."

He chuckled. "Should'a known. I apologize for sending you on that meaningless errand."

"No, it's fine." You cleared your throat. "I guess, I'll get back to work, now."

McCoy stood from his desk. "Well, now, wait just a second. I have something to ask of you."

He was always a bit of a flirt to you, but this was already strange to start with. Instead of replying like how you and Kirk had, now you just blushed as he walked closer to you, and all you could do was response with, "Yes, Bones?"

You and he were friends, but he was still your boss. It was a strange feeling you got when he suddenly wrapped his arms around your waist, whispering in your ear, "Dinner tonight?"

An image of Spock flashed in your mind. You chest started to hurt again. The Vulcan needed to stop attracting you.

You nodded.

McCoy kissed your lobe, nipping it some. His grip loosened. "I'll see you at eight." Then he left his office, and you just stood there dazed and confused.

Did Bones really have feelings for you? Or was he just trying to nail another girl? If he liked you, why was he going about asking you to dinner like /this/? It seemed more sexual than romantic. And. . .did he know about your affections towards Spock? Uhura said. . .

Ah, to hell with that Uhura said. Who cares if he knew or not? Who cares if this is about sex or not? Point is, this is your chance to get over that dammed Spock. Love was a powerful, angry force growing inside of you, and you wanted it to stop. You didn't want to be hung up on him for the next several years then just end up getting your heart broken.

X

That night, you put on the prettiest dress you brought aboard the Enterprise [a/n too lazy to describe, so just imagine whatever pretty/sexy dress you wish~ it is up to reader] and spent a half hour on your make up. It sounds like you went all out, but you didn't really. You just wanted to look nice for this. Sure, the whole thing still struck you as strange, but you figured there was no harm in having dinner with the doctor. Besides, people date to fall in love, right? It's not the other way around.

Shortly after you were ready, McCoy showed up.

"You look nice," he complimented, making it a point to look up and down your body and giving you a hint of what he wanted. Again, you blushed.

"Thank you. Not so bad yourself, Bones."

He held his arm out to you, and you took it. McCoy escorted you to one of the more quieter places to eat on the Enterprise, and by eight it was nearly empty. No one was there from the main crew that worked on the bridge, and you were glad. You didn't know if you wanted this to get out to them just yet.

The two of you had a pleasant conversation during dinner. It was mostly just chat, as each time Bones tried to dive the conversation deeper, you changed the topic nonchalantly. He didn't seem to mind much, though. His leg was against yours nearly the whole dinner.

Which was delicious by the way. You enjoyed the food very much, and thanked McCoy.

He only smiled. "My pleasure."

You and him headed back the same way you came - your hands wrapped over his arm. You walk timidly next to him, noticing that you'd taken a different route through the ship.

The way to the doctor's cabin.

X

You weren't a virgin. Not anymore, at least. You and Bones experienced physical release, and he was more than thrilled that he was your first. You acted happy to be there. You acted like you were pleased. It was pleasurable, actually, but to all it was was physical release. You thought there was more to sex than that, but maybe you were just doing it wrong. You also couldn't help but feel like you were betraying something.

Still, despite your borderline mood, you came to work the next day with a smile on your face. McCoy hugged you and pecked your cheek. You were officially his girlfriend now, as he'd said after you two had sex, which led you to believe that it wasn't just about the release.

People date to fall in love, and that's what you did. You and Bones spent more time together. He set the other nurses out to run errands and while they were gone, you and him did "coupley-things". You enjoyed yourself, but it didn't feel like anything more than a friendship to you. And friendship with sex in it. You were hesitant to call it a friends-with-benefits situation, because you didn't feel there was any sort of pleasurable benefit. You two had been dating about a month now, and you were going through the motions you'd learned. You were happy, you were nice, you were pleased, and you'd almost forgotten about Spock.

Actually, that last one was a lie. In all honesty you knew you felt like you were betraying him. You just didn't think about him at all, because the last time you did that you cried. You cried at what was so out of reach, and of what you'd let slip when you accepted your boss' invitation. At the same time, you were scared to leave McCoy. You didn't know if you could get any better, or any one else at all. You were already approaching your big three zero, but that wasn't for another half year or so.

It felt like you were a hundred now.

So, you avoided Spock. You barely saw him in the hall, on the bridge it was an exchange of nods, and when you absolutely had to speak to him it was sentences short and sweet and to the point.

You and Uhura still spent time together, and nothing really changed except she stopped joking about the Vulcan once you stopped responding genuinely to her humor. You hadn't told anyone about you and Bones, and you weren't sure if he had told or not. You never discussed it with anyone. Chekhov, Sulu, and yourself still went out drinking every one and a while, and Bones said he was alright with that. But Kirk, for some reason, stopped flirting with you. Just cold turkey, the day after you and Bones started dating. You felt like McCoy might've told his friend, but again, it wasn't discussed.

Like now, for instance, when Scotty had caught you in the hall and asked you to fetch the captain for him. McCoy was expecting you back, so you just went to find the captain and instruct him to go to Scotty. To make things easier for you, as it seemed, you'd found the captain on your way to Bones' cabin.

You shut off everything as you approached him, however. Kirk was speaking to Commander Spock when you'd found him. You tapped the captain on the shoulder and he stopped talking abruptly, looking almost shocked when he saw you. You stared into his eyes and refused to acknowledge the other presence.

"Yes, (Name), what is it?" He asked plainly. Not rudely, just. . .plainly. That's how he always greeted you now. His tone gave no hint to his relaxing gaze.

"Scotty asked me to find you. He said he needs to see you for something."

Kirk faced his whole body towards you, frowning some like he was concentrating. "Really? What for?"

You shrugged. "He didn't say."

"Hm. Alright, well-" He put his hand on Spock's shoulder, whom was standing silently with his hands behind his back. Just like always. "Mr. Spock, if you can escort (Name) to wherever it is she will be going - because I assume that you won't be following me around - that would be a load of my chest."

You nearly felt it in you to blink profusely at Kirk and glare at the captain, but his smirk made you withhold your expression.

"Of course, Captain," the Vulcan replied like a machine, not questioning why he was ordered to escort you.

Kirk left the two of you with a reminder for the commander to meet him on the bridge after, and then it quickly became awkward. Spock didn't say anything more as you fast-walked to the elevator. His legs were longer than yours and he was able to keep up with ease. You huffed as you pushed the elevator button.

The silence was almost piercing. In fact, the air was so thick with tension you /could/ have pierced it. At least in your opinion. You didn't think Spock could sense those things. But he was smart enough not to talk to you as you two waited for the elevator.

You just wanted to get out of there. You thought that if he talked to you, you'd cry all over again. And you couldn't do that. Not in front of the man you loved. The man you were also angry at for not recognizing your feelings, and at yourself for never being brave enough to speak them. Because now the burning in your eyes and the constriction in your heart told you it was too late now.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. You stepped on first and Spock followed. The doors closed and the two of you were sealed in for another stream of silence.

Until the dammed halfbreed broke it.

God, you just wanted to get away from him. You couldn't handle this. And had you known about the conversation that was about to take place inside the elevator, you would have ran far away from Spock and the tiny space, forgetting captain's orders and everything you were running from.

"May I inquire as to where you are going? I should wish to learn my route traveling with you."

"McCoy's," you mumbled. More trembling silence followed. The seconds ticking by didn't get any easier.

"I have heard you spend a lot of time with him."

You nodded when you felt his gaze requiring an answer from your quiet self.

Spock cleared his throat and continued to look directly in front of him. "You deserve. . .a congratulations." He hesitated before speaking a word he'd picked up from the crew members.

"Why?" You scoffed.

"The doctor is a fine choice of a mate for someone of your. . .aesthetic appeal."

Your heart started to beat rapidly. You frowned slightly, forcing yourself not to look over at the Vulcan who just called you attractive. You instead focused on what was important. You tried to hold it back, but your voice was shaky rather than annoyed when you responded, "Bones is just a /fine/ mat-er, boyfriend?" You tried to roll your eyes but to no use. He wasn't even looking. You sighed and asked rudely, "Do you know anyone who would be better?"

"Me."

The way he spoke that word. That one measly little two letter word. He said it so simply, like it was obvious and so plain to see. He was a better mate by far, so why didn't you pick him?

"Dammit. . ." You cursed quietly. The tears were starting to fall. "DAMMIT!" You roared.

"Was I incorrect?" Spock asked just as plain as before.

You whipped your head around. "Over a year, and you don't say a god damn word until now?! Don't you know how long I've loved you? How long I've wanted to be your mate?! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?! Now I'm stuck in this relationship! I fucking-! I-! I fucking. . .!" You had wanted to continue to yell at him for ignoring you and not telling you how he felt and about why he didn't speak up before all this and change the course of things, but you just couldn't find the strength. You collapsed on the ground and covered your face in your hands.

Spock flipped a switch on the elevator and it shut down. He learned it was wise for humans not to see other humans when their emotions got the better of them like this.

You whimpered, wanting desperately for him to understand all you had been through, all you had given up, all the unhappy days you had because he didn't say anything and because you were too stupid to say no to Bones and make a move. But even then, would Spock have understood? You continued to cry, and the Vulcan kneeled beside you. His hand slowly rested on you. He wasn't rubbing your back or hugging you or any sort of comfort. He was just touching you.

In the midst of your crying, you felt another presence.

Another in your head.

Spock was using the Vulcan mind-meld to understand why this was happening to you, a stupid human. You saw all the memories he pulled forth and wished many to go away. He saw what had been troubling you for the past year and why your emotions were consuming you now. He didn't just understand it through speech, no he saw all the glimpses you had of him. All the moments you had admiring from afar. All the lost time.

Still, his own emotions remained off.

Spock learned what he needed to know and retracted from your memories. He grabbed both your shoulders firmly and lifted you back up onto your feet. He did not like to see aesthetic unlike herself. He picked up your hand and simply placed his index and middle fingers over yours.

By now your crying had slowed to sniffles. You didn't want to go back to McCoy. Yet you didn't want to let him down. Not after all you'd sacrificed. It was too late anyway.

You hadn't known about the Vulcan translation of affection, and weren't as affected as Spock had hoped when he tried to get you to stop crying. So, he tried a way he remembered used by the humans. He grabbed your head and pulled it against him, pressing his lips against your forehead. Your sniffling finally stopped when you heard the Vulcan Spock whisper in your ear.

"It's not too late."


End file.
